That's what I have been trying to do all this week... and when I've tried to do it I either don't have the words or my "idea" that I thought was so great turned out to be pretty lame... it was like I was trying to hard. Which I is true.. I was trying to force myself to be cool..interesting.. generate some buzz around this here blog...which equals L A M E. The thing that annoys me the most is that I'm still trying to be something other than what I am. I try to put on this personality of that I am way cooler than what I think I am.
You know I have been reading through Proverbs this month with Pete and his church, and that book is just so practical about how are to live our daily lives. I have The Message and it just smacks you in the face. Which is good because I need to get smacked around sometimes by the word.. it keeps my attention. But the thing with Proverbs is it constantly reminds me how we/I need Him everyday. To not even for a second think that we can do this thing called life on our own. I was driving home from picking up some hoagies for dinner last night and I was listening to Rita Springer. The song Mansion came on and the words that start this song really moved me.
"I am thirtsty I am needy I am wanting more more of you.. I am thristy I am needy I am wanting more more of you."
Those words were exactly what my soul is crying out for. This is where I am at.
I am thirsty.
I am needy.
I am wanting more of Him.
Lord be the one to quench my thrist. Be the one to fill my life with your presence. Because I don't want to think that I can do this on my own. It scares me to think of not having your presence in my life.
5 comments:
Dude, I'm starting to think we were twins separated at birth or something, because we're thinking the exact same way, especially when you said:
"The thing that annoys me the most is that I'm still trying to be something other than what I am. I try to put on this personality of that I am way cooler than what I think I am."
Right there with you bro. Ever since I stumbled my way into all of this Twitter/Blogging stuff and started meeting some really cool people it's made me realize my life is pretty dadgum boring. I'm never going to be a Pete Wilson, a Jon Acuff or a Matthew Paul Turner. I'm never going to be a "celebrity Christian blogger" or twitterer.
And that's ok. God's put me where I am for a reason, just as he's put you and Karen where you are for a reason. And I'll tell you what bro, your testimony, with everything that's happened with Gavin, is huge and God's using that in an enormous way, I can see it 600 miles away.
I'm thankful I stumbled on Gavin's site back in October. You guys have had an impact on my life and I'm thankful to know you. And it's good to know a fellow non-Christian celebrity, among all the rest.
@Nathan.. Dude..thanks for that.. I 100% completely agree with your entire comment.. from when you said how awesome I was.. oh wait you didnt say that.. LOL i kid i kid.
No but really.. you hit the nail right on the head. I cant even really say much more than that.. other than we are here to definitely cheer each other on in this walk..and I am glad to have you cheering for me.. and vise versa.
Amen Adam and Nathan.
It is so easy to get caught up in trying to be something we are not. I know for me, the moment I take the "I" out of it all and focus on Him, things appear clearer me. I struggle with letting go of that "control" which I think I have. He's got it covered, He always does, and He always will have ultimate control. Sometimes it takes a smack in the face for me to remember, I'm not in control God is....
Thanks for the post, Adam and God Bless both of you!
Keep posting like this Adam - straight from the heart.
Pretense is boring anyway :)
And as Nathan said - the testimony you and Karen share through Gavin's life is huge, but it's not meant to be a burden for you either. It just is. It's part of your journey.
So keep living your journey, and telling us about it here - up, down, or flat - cos what God has done and continues doing through the life you lead is far greater than you'll ever know
You have a lot of boys comment. Thought I would mix things up even though I don't know you well enough to call you dude or decide we could be twins. I DO relate to what you are saying though-completely. My problem is I have a strange sense of rebellion that makes me choose wrong priorities instead of God. So I read in Peter today and he reminded me that as long as I want to be stupid, I can be, and God will just keep loving me. I realize I am missing out while I am over here...instead of over here while i rebel. Sigh.
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