Tonsilectomy....

Next Monday the big day.  Madi gets to have her tonsils and adnoids out.   To say she is a little excited is a understatement.  She is pretty pumped about this.  Not just becasue she can eat as much ice cream as she wants...although I'm sure that seals the deal for her too.  But she is more excited to have her first surgical procedure.  Because you know Gavin had so many.. she is super pumped that its her turn to get knocked out and have something done.  In a weird way I think she feels a little closer to Gavin.  Both Karen and I are nervous to see how she is when she wakes up from the anesthesia.  We have a feeling she will be a piece of work.. =) but you never know. But I will make sure to have the video camera to record if there is any CRAZINESS coming from Madi as she wakes up

For me my most surgical experience was having my appendix rupture when I was in kindergarden, and feeling like I was about to die.  I don't remember much of it.. but I do remember there was screaming...lots and lots of screaming from a 5 yr old boy.

How about you..  Have you had surgery... or broken a bone.. wisdom teeth out?  Any crazy stories... you can just share between you and me.....and maybe 20-30 other readers. 

Go ahead talk amongst yourselves.

Hi..

I am still here.. I am around.  Do you ever feel like you have so much to say, but never the words to put it down.  Maybe it's just me.... i dunno.. but there are some people who could write the names of the phone book and make it more interesting than how I feel write.  (now I'm not fishing for any type of compliments about how well I write... I know my giftings.. and this just doesnt happen to be a strong point).... anyways..

Here's the deal.  I know alot of people have been following the blog becasue of Gavin's story and that's cool.  But I thought it would be kindof a neat to have a little Q & A session here on the blog.

So if you have a question you want to ask...fire away in the comments below, and I will try my darndest to answer them.  If you don't want to post it in the comments.. you can either DM me on twitter or click the "Let's Talk" button on the side and shoot me an email.

And.......go...

Grace...

I love this picture... Im not sure exactly why..  We have better pictures of Gavin where he is smiling and happy...but this picture I dunno.. just reminds me of how calm, and content Gavin was in the midst of everything at times.   It makes me just want to go back to that moment and just pick him up and hold him tight. 

It is so crazy how our mind can flood us with emotions...and memories in a matter of a nano second.  Im not gonna lie..yesterday was a hard day.. I spent most of my day at my desk trying to hold it together but in all reality all I wanted to do is just break down and sob for this little boy that I so desperately miss.  Most days I am fine...and can keep moving forward.. but yesterday my heart just ached for him.. it still does today. 

Yesterday I listened to Grace by Phil Wickham probably a hundred times.. The lyrics are so powerful.  It just re-enforces the fact that in the midst of our pain and sorrow we CAN'T do this on our own.. (if you a have a few mins.. click on the link.. and just listen to this beautiful song)

Grace by Phil Wickham

The sky is grey and the light is far

The sea is a rage within my heart

I turn my sight to the crashing waves

I cry in the night just to be saved

I need eyes to be my guide

I need a voice that’s louder than mine

I need hope I need You

Cause I can’t do this alone

Grace I call Your name

Oh won’t Your smile fall over me

I’m cracked and dry on hands and knees

Oh sweet grace rain down on me I need You grace

I pray for dawn a new day to live

I pray for mercy only Jesus gives

Though darkness falls and a million cry

I believe over all there’s a greater light shining for us

Most times I can relate to music to help me get through a situation..becasue I am not the best at expressing myself through words.. and this is no different.  It just reminds me that no matter how much I think I can do it on my own.. I can't.. I need Him to be stronger than me.  God can continue to be my rockthat He needs to be.  He will always be there to listen to me weep and comfort me when I am in my time of need.  Someone posted a comment when Gavin first passed away and I will never forget it..

"....There aren't many of us that can comfort you from experience, but I am thankful that God can. God knows what it is like to watch your only son suffer and die an undeserved death. He stands by you today, and in the days to come with loving compassion that knows your pain. I pray that you find comfort in his arms when you need it."

 

He knows my pain... He knows the anguish it is to watch His only Son die.. so I know that He can handle my pain.. my sorrow.. my hurt.. my tears.. my frustrations.. and no matter how bad it gets.. I know that His Grace is always being extended to me.. to cover me and to giive me the strength to make through to another day.

 

Grace.. I call your name..Oh won't your smile fall over me.... right now...

5 Years..

Has time really gone by that fast?!?  How quickly you have grown up.  You are such a beautiful, lively, helpful little girl.  

You're are my peanut... and you will always be.  No matter how big you get.  

I love every moment we have together..good and the not so good.  Madi you are so special and  I pray that the older you become you will keep you heart open to God's calling.  I know He has big plans for you. 

Happy Birthday Peanut.. I love you. 

Favorite..

I can't even tell you the hundreds of cars that I saw at the Car Show. But.. out of all the cars/trucks/suv's I saw.. the Jeep Wrangler always makes me happy. These are just the coolest/funn-est (is that even a word) SUV's around. In my mind it just ooozes "cool". If I had money to just drop on a new Wrangler I would. It would just be my summer/sunny day car, and on other days I would probably drive a Volvo XC90 (hey a boy can dream can't he).


But in the mean time I will continue to drive my AWSOME '01 Taurus with 160K.


So my question to you is.. what is your favorite car/truck/suv you would buy if you had a bajillon dollars just lying around!??!?!?

Saturday Thoughts..

Last night I had a few minutes to catch up on some blogs and I had a chance to hop over to Pete's blog.  Pete did a sermon series over a year ago titled Plan B, and he also has taken that sermon and wrote a book which will be released early in the spring.   On his blog is the 4 min video promo for his book.   Its crazy how powerful some little 4 min video can be.  The basic premise of Pete's book is when our life.. our plan doesn't go as expected.. and then we are left with a different plan.  Plan B. 

Its exactly where we (I) am at right now.  We are in our Plan B.   On one hand we are so excited for this change, but in a instant we are minded of why we are in this stage.  I have been thinking a lot about Gavin this week...and even today.    I went to the Philly Car Show with a few friends and had a good time.  I enjoy looking at cars and reading the stats of MPG's.. 0-60 in how many seconds..  But at one point I was standing looking around I noticed how many dad's brought their son's to the car show.  I am not a sports person that much.. so if it was a sporting event.. it might not have noticed it so much.  But this is something that I am interested in and it could have been something I could have done with Gavin.  It just makes me miss him...and interacting with him. 

But you know when I think of stuff like that I think about it in the mindset that Gavin would be a "healthy" normal kid, however in all reality it wouldn't have been like that.  I have to remind myself that he was such a sick little boy, and its hard to remember that because I just to be reminded of the good times.   But by the end of the Gavi's life.. there really were not any good times.  

ugh...

All this to say I missed him a lot this week.  I've had all this stuff just running through my head and I have been wanting to just get it out hoping that it will help.   

Oh Gavin.. I love you.

Something Funny..

I tweeted about this commercial during the Colts Game yesterday.. Holy crap.. this has got to be the first funny commercial I have seen so far in 2010.  HYSTERICAL Wow.. and it was from Walmart non the less.. good stuff!!

Enjoy!

Searching.. Part 1

I am probably about half way through the book and it really has got me thinking about the way I view God... and my relationship with Him. So many of us use the Bible like its a formula to figure out our life. If we just do steps A, B, and C we will have a good life with God. He will be pleased with us and things will be alright. Now we may not mentally have that thought process, but lets be honest.. we do that.... I DO that. My eyes are opening to my behavior that it really isn’t about formulas.. or steps.. but the Bible is a relational book. Real stories about real people and their relationship with God. I just read chapter 5 and it gave me a whole new perspective of the life Adam and Eve had in the Garden before the fall. About the relationship they had with God. It was so beautiful. I am learning to start reading the Bible with out the "filters" that I put on to quickly try and see what the scripture is saying then see how it can help me in my time of need right now. Ugh even typing that last sentence made me cringe.. because I totally do that..more often then I would like to admit.


Don't misunderstand me. I believe the Bible is a teaching tool...of course it is. But if I stop looking at it only in that light and start looking at it as relational book to see how these men and women loved Him and interacted with Him. I don't know if I am making much sense.. but this is something that really hit me today...like duh.. God wants to have a relationship with me.. like He did with Adam and Eve. I mean I've "known" that in the past but to actually see how I've viewed the Bible in the past as just a formula was huge to me.


I am excited to keep reading on to see what other things get me thinking. You ever get the feeling that something big is gonna happen? I dunno why.. but in my heart I got that feeling today. I don't know if its gonna be a spiritual thing or not.. but I feel like God is wanting me to get ready.... and I think I am starting to get there.

Before and After....

Ok.. So it's taken a little longer than I wanted to get before and after pics up of the house.  So I apologize to the one person  everyone who has been asking for them.   It is really amazing what can happen when a community rallies together to help out a family.  Our hearts are forever grateful for each and every person who worked on this house to make it a reality for us.

So without further ado..   Here we go..

Created with flickr shildshow.